I believe in happily ever after. But the road to get there is not necessarily paved with gold. “Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must have at its foundation, mature love and not romanticism.” True marriage thrives on a willingness to work hard and a resolve to fight for all the promises that marriage holds. In this post, I highlight five obstacles to happily ever after:
1. Unhappiness
A sense of happiness is very essential to the overall health of your marriage. Without it, the doors swing wide open to infidelity, anger, and divorce. The problem with happiness though, it comes and it goes. Finding a way to bring it back by intentionally working on the things that make you happy is key to a successful marriage. Gary Thomas asked a very powerful question in his book Sacred Marriage that I think is a starting point to understanding happiness in marriage. He asked, “What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?” I believe if we are seeking holiness in our marriage it will produce the happiness we so deeply long for. In fact, I insist here that pursuing holiness in Christ is the key to finding happiness in every area of life.
2. Preconceived Notions
It is painful and frustrating to know that your spouse has a preconceived idea about you. They hold a false perception about you, your leadership style, decision-making process, parenting skills, work ethics, choices, friendships, handling of conflict and communication style that can destroy your relationship. You get to hear it when there is a fight. No matter how much they say they didn’t mean what they said, you get to know what they really think about you. They take something you did or said in the past to define who you are in the present and decide what you are going to do in the future. But it is important to unconditionally believe in one another, speak the truth to one another and give each other the benefit of the doubt before making assumptions.
3. Greener grass syndrome
This one is a very dangerous problem that many couples deal with no matter where they are in their marriage. We all tend to imagine how great things would be if we were on the other side of the fence. The way to defeat this is to remember that the “greener grass syndrome” is just an illusion. The root of this problem is lust and greed. Lust never satisfies. It is full of empty promises. It leaves you wanting and lusting after more. It is important to intentionally and continually nurture your relationship so that it thrives and brings the deep satisfaction you can find nowhere else.
4. Un-forgiveness
Un-forgiveness, in my estimation, is the most stubborn and difficult problem to conquer in a relationship. It’s like a wound that didn’t properly heal and every new offense is like a knife piercing the scab off that wound. If there is any time you are going to need a supernatural intervention in your marriage it is when you need to give or receive forgiveness. So, draw strength from The Lord, give it away liberally. With the measure you give it, it will be given back to you.
5. The little foxes
These are the little things we do to each other every day that adds up over time. Selfishness, disrespect, inattention, unkindness, impatience, grudges, resentments, rudeness, arrogance and lack of trust will destroy a marriage in the long run. But Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Your marriage can thrive; you can have a happily ever after. Are you willing to fight for it?
If you need prayer or somebody to talk with… we are here!
Walter Bright 
Beautiful teaching about marriage! Yes, marriage is worth fighting for…not each other…but those demons you mentioned. Grateful the Lord has rewarded my husband and I with 50 years of marriage. To God be the Glory. Keep up the good work, your labor of love is not in vain.
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Hi Glenda,
A million thanks to you for a wonderful encouragement. Congrats as well on 50 years of marriage – what an incredible testimony. It is from you that we draw the good example of what marriage is all about. Thank you!
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God Bless You & Your Family, Pastor. We look forward to your sermons weekly. The outlook on marriage was very rewarding. Thank You –
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hey there… Scotty, what a pleasant surprise. Good to hear from you. You are guys are awesome… two of the most precious and kind people I know. Happy Mother’s Day! see you over the weekend.
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very good read…especially the line, “What If God designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?” I think the things you list are indicative of why the world holds such little regard for marriage and why so many are intimidated by it these days….we have been married 10 years this year…and what we have learned is that if we can learn how to be holy and committed to each other…we are indeed learning how to stay committed to God and it seems much easier to remain holy and righteous for him. Thanks for another good read Walter!
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wonderful feedback… thanks a million for the a great comment.
Mark Thomas is to credit for that line…He wrote this awesome book called “Sacred Marriage.”. Stay blessed my brother – hope all is well in Sumpter.
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okay…thanks for sharing that quote with us…….we are blessed in Sumpter…pray you are too!
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indeed, God is good!
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should would love to sit in a pew and listen to you preach! 🙂
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hahahaha… I don’t know if you will like it. Ricky, a member of our congregation was in church on Sunday. He’s recovering from a horrible accident so he is in a wheel chair. Well, he rolls up and sits right up front, but kind of to the right side of the pulpit where people in congregation can see him. He falls asleep while I am preaching and began to snore. And it was loud. That happens from time to time. So, I might bore you to death.
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nah…..I went to church right after my stroke…..and I was on meds that made me sleep…..so I wouldn’t take it personally bro! Haven’t you heard of subliminal learning? 🙂
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hahahahaha…wow you’re funny! That is a very good one. Thanks for making me laugh. Stay blessed my friend.
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oops…..i sure hope it’s okay to laugh in your church? 🙂
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hahahaha oh man! yes indeed… it’s okay to laugh at our church, I am not sure about the one down the street from us though 🙂
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perhaps they need your prayers right? 🙂
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Awesome post Walter! Next year will be our ten year anniversary. Crazy how times flies. We’ve grown and learned much in our marriage. Thanks for reminding us that marriage is a battle WORTH fighting for!!
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Hey Tobias, my best friend was named Tobias, he passed away a few years ago.
Anyways, thanks for the comment… My wife and I are celebrate 13 years of marriage this January. But we are still learning and growing. May the Lord continue to give all of us the strength to fight this good fight.
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Thank you for such an awesome post, Bright. When one decide to marry, he should be ready to pay the prize. Even, not only in marriage it is in anything you want to do, you need to fight for it. Thanks for sharing!!!
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Amen! thanks for the awesome feedback!
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Excellent and much-needed advice, Walter!
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hey Bill, you are awesome man thank you…
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While I’m not married, I can relate to this post with every family relationship I have. Every relationship is hard work – if you want to keep it. It’s good to know that the grass isn’t greener on the marriage side of things. 🙂
Thanks so much for your posts!
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Hey Sarah, thank you for the comment. When a spouse leaves a relationship and gets into another, all they did was exchange on set of problems for a totally new set of problems. In reality they are back to the same challenge – “Am I going to work harder to save this one?” Have a great week!
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