What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. you covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.

James 4:1-2

What causes us to get angry?

I believe we get angry because our desires are not fulfilled; our rights violated, our expectations are not met and because we have been hurt by someone. In any case, our unfulfilled desires result into anger. Everyone of us have areas in our lives where we are most susceptible to anger. I can almost hear my wife’s voice in the back of my mind – “stop pushing my button.” Let name a few I struggle with – I will surprised if you don’t:

• disobedient children
• a stubborn person
• yelling
• stress at work
• last-minute changes
• feeling neglected
• hurtful words
• unrealistic expectations
• disrespect
• unmet desires
• The list goes on!

Our unfulfilled desires lead to fighting and quarreling. When any one of these occur in our lives, it causes us to react in anger. Anger in and of itself is not sin. But how you use and express your anger is the thing that is getting you into trouble. The bible says,

For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires

James 1:20

So the question here is how do I channel my anger in a way that does not dishonor God but bring glory and praise to him? How do I produce the righteousness of God even when I am angry?

1. Try some good and common sense – Overlook the Offense. Proverbs 19:11 tells us:

Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook offenses.

Road rage will never happen if people would just listen and apply this verse to their lives. Your goal is to stay focused and alert, and try to avoid accidents and bad driving. If someone cuts you off, focus on controlling you vehicle so they do not hit you or you do not hit them or somebody else. Overlook the offense, Keep your cool, thank God you didn’t get into an accident. If you see him/her later in traffic, turn and look the other way praising God. That’s your victory right there! Do not try to retaliate or punish – check your heart.

2. Try some good old-fashion godly reaction – Loving Confrontation. Ephesians 4:15 says:

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.

If you do have to confront a person, not necessarily in a traffic situation, “let no corrupt talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear…” (Eph. 4:29). Approach any and every confrontation carefully, being sensitive to the timing. Choose your words carefully, and with much humility speak the truth in love. Your goal is to produce the righteousness that God requires and to bring honor and glory to Him.

3. Try cultivating a closer walk with the Spirit. Galatians 5:16,  20

But I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh… fits of anger…

The Holy Spirit is always there speaking, prompting, nudging, whispering to us. But, we fail or refuse to listen to Him. We need to learn how to listen, how to recognize his voice. The bible says if we walk by the Spirit we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. The apostle Paul names 15 fleshly behaviors, but let me mention 5 for the purpose of this article: fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, strife. Than he goes on to say what we really need to do is to walk in gentleness, self-control, kindness, patience and love.

4. Try some simple, easy to do spiritual warfare – Don’t go to bed angry. Ephesians 4:26, 27

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

What he means is that we promptness is key to solving problems and putting anger under control. Because if we don’t we open the door for the enemy to take our anger to a “whole nother level.” A level where anger becomes bitterness, clamor, slander, and malice – a level where anger gets way out of your control. He says, forgive and forget it as quickly as you can.

Conclusion:

Listen I hope you enjoyed reading this post and I pray it helped put you in a better mode for father’s day! There are many more godly counsel from the word of God on this subject, I hope I can hear some from you and get your perspective. God Bless the brother, husband or father in your life. Happy Father’s day!